In response to an FT article by George Parker and Kate Allen on 19th March 2016, entitled 'Iain Duncan Smith quits with fierce attack on Osborne
Downing Street - late Friday night:
Secretary - Prime Minister, the Smith twins have resigned
PM - Which one, Ian or Duncan?
Secretary - There’s only one Prime Minister, calling him the twins is just our little joke - because he can never make up his mind
PM - Not very funny now is it Caruthers? It seems he’s made up his mind to give us the big finger at the worst possible time…what’s his excuse?
Secretary - He says it’s about the welfare cuts
PM - Oh Gawd, not that again, what does George have to say?
Secretary - he say’s he’s puzzled Prime Minister
PM - that’s code for not wanting to engage with the topic; you know - making your adversary appear like an idiot
Secretary - but the twins are idiots Prime Minister
PM - I know that Caruthers but we don’t want the public to know that most of our Ministers are idiots until we want to discredit them. Do try to keep up Caruthers
Secretary - Well what shall we do Prime Minister?
PM - Get Fallon in here. We’ll get him to tell the press he’s puzzled
Secretary - He’s always puzzled Prime Minister
PM - I know that Caruthers - that’s why he’s at Defence. We always put permanently angry and puzzled people at Defence
Secretary - Yes, why is that Prime Minister?
PM - Because their only job is to do what the Americans tell them to do without thinking too much. Being angry at the world but not knowing who is to blame, is the ideal profile for Pentagon allies
Secretary - Thank you Prime Minister, I’ll get Fallon immediately
PM - Good, and tell George not to worry...I’m on it
Secretary - Yes, Prime Minister