At the beginning of what will surely be another dramatic week of executive orders, political melodrama, and hyper-ventilating journalists, I have decided to make a contribution to the ‘fake news’ that you will be fed this week…in the hope that it may help to start the week with something that is unashamedly fake, rather than something that claims to be real.
In a stunning late entry to the Oscars, the George Soros film ‘Mission Deplorable’ has been entered for 12 categories and is slated to win them all. Nobody outside the Academy rules committee has seen the movie yet but it is said to be comfortably ahead in the opinion polls. Here is the press release:
The Deep State Corporation proudly presents:
An Open Society Film
In association with Alphabet Enterprises
And Zuckerberg Productions
Directed by George Soros
Meryl Streep as Shillary Klingon
Alec Baldwin as Ronald Tub-Thump
Martin Sheen as Deep State Agent and Harvard Professor, Larry Slummers
Charlie Sheen as Agent Krugman
Kevin Spacey as Vlad the Bad
Special guest appearances from:
Madonna Cupcake as Yaboo Sucks
And George Soros as ‘The wrinkly guy who strokes a cat and grins weirdly’
The movie is set in an ailing empire of the future that has been riven by decades of financial and political corruption. After her stunning defeat in the 2066 Propaganda War to decide who provides the next public face for corruption, Shillary Klingon is finally forced to admit defeat and turn to her mentor ‘The wrinkly guy who strokes a cat and grins weirdly’ for guidance. Wrinkly advises her to shut down a number of her scams and go round dressed in purple, talking about ‘the fight back’. Meanwhile Wrinkly gets on with the real work of under-mining Tub-Thump through ‘the intelligentsia’ – a group of agents working under cover in government, the media and academia. Amongst them are a small number of agents who bridge these three worlds, led by Professor Larry Slummers of Harvard. Slummers is a ruthless egoist who channels his self-obsession into ‘educating others’. In that, he is a perfect tool for his boss Wrinkly, a sociopath who conceals his social re-engineering activities under the cloak of ‘philanthropy’. Together they are a great team.
The action starts with Slummers sitting on a plane on his way to a conference in the Alps. He is casually flicking through ‘selfies’ on his laptop, when the stewardess hands him a brown envelope with a disk inside. He inserts the disk into his drive and waits for Wrinkly’s message…a message that he knows will start him on the next stage of his quest to prove that he is ‘the smartest guy in the room’…
Needless to say the movie contains a lot of insane plans with no chance of working in the real world, a mega performance from Streep, an embarrassing turn from Baldwin and at least one gratuitous shot of Slummers dangling from a microphone.
One intriguing snippet that is guaranteed to fuel speculation is that in every scene in which Meryl Streep appears, there is something purple. One theory suggests that this is an ‘homage’ to the great box-office hit ‘Sixth Sense’, where there was something red in every scene in which Bruce Willis appeared. A number of critics have suggested that the deeper message here is that Klingon died during the primaries, and was a ghost throughout the election campaign. The publicists deny any suggestion of this. Apparently there is a much simpler explanation: Mr Soros likes to have a colour theme in all his movies. For example in ‘The Ukrainian Adventure’ he featured a lot of orange; this time he favours purple – ‘it’s more imperial’, says a close colleague, ‘it represents the coming together of red and blue’.
Anyway, we’ll soon find out. Hopefully you’ll get chance to see the film before the Oscars, but I’m told that audience reaction will have very little impact on the results. Look out for the sequence where, within the space of five minutes, Slummers defeats Vlad the Bad in a naked mud wrestling bout, humiliates Tub-Thump in front of his children, executes a ‘checkmate in six’ on Krugman, and then casually goes back to flicking through his ‘selfies’. Priceless stuff…