Disclosure – the meeting described below is fake news. Any resemblance to what is happening in the real world is purely coincidental.
As you may have seen, a few days ago I revealed that George Soros is expected to make a clean sweep at the Oscars for his blockbuster movie ‘Mission Deplorable’. Some people have asked me how I could possibly have obtained this information before the mainstream media. The answer is quite simple: I read stuff. Most journalists are too busy with stenography to read much, so I have a huge advantage. Reading used to fall under the heading of ‘research’, but over recent years that term has been reassigned to mean ‘having lunch at the Council for Foreign Relations’, which of course is a total waste of time for anyone interested in gaining an insight into what’s really happening in the world.
What I am about to share with you is a transcript of the gathering of a secret society of ‘journalists’ called ‘The Four Hoarse Men of the Apocalibs’. I have joked about this group before but it turns out that my utterly despicable cynicism was nearer the truth than I could’ve possibly imagined. This group works undercover in a pillar of the UK establishment. I will of course refer to them by their code names, in order to avoid anyone feeling tempted to ‘send the boys round’.
The group is embedded within a high-quality media organisation I will refer to as ‘The Fake Times’, or the FT for short. Their code names are as follows:
Sir Monty Tipswell – Chief Economics Commentator
Tarquin Clench – Chief Political Commentator
Lefty O’Toole – Chief Foreign Affairs Commentator
Eddie Global – Chief US Commentator
They are based in London, except Eddie Global who is situated in Washington. When I say ‘based’ in London, naturally I don’t mean they work in a London office. Mostly they are at lunch, or at cocktail parties in Brussels.
Anyway I digress. It seems that the boys are rather ‘put out’ that they have not been getting the required level of conformity from the plebeians. In short, last June the UK plebs, in an appalling display of vulgarity and rank disobedience, voted for Brexit…and if that injury wasn’t enough for the intelligentsia to cope with…in November the American plebs added insult to their Brexit injury by sending ‘he who cannot be named’ to the White House. Since he cannot be named I’ll refer to him as Voldemort. What follows is a leaked transcript of an emergency meeting of the FHMA held shortly after the inauguration:
Sir Monty Tipswell: OK chaps let’s kick off. I think we should start by checking-in. These are hard times for the elite and whilst I normally don’t put much stock in all that emotional stuff…cough…it may help to get a few things off our chests…cough…so how are we?
Tarquin Clench: I feel utterly betrayed by the electoral system, by the totally biased right-wing media, and by voters who are just too stupid to know what’s good for them – stupid and ungrateful. This has set back the cause of global centralised government by a decade or more. The chaps at the CFR are distraught and so am I. Enough said.
Lefty O’Toole: Apoplectic – I’m going to get that intolerant, racist, xenophobic, misogynistic, small-fisted, name-calling bar steward if it’s the last thing I do!
Sir Monty: After a long pause…well…good to see you’ve still got your chipper up Lefty old boy….right…erm…OK…Eddie, you’re quiet, how are you old son? Must be hard being in Washington eh?
Eddie Global: I’m at a loss Monty. It’s embarrassing to be a British liberal in Washington these days. Hillary is blaming us. She’s saying we didn’t do enough to discredit Farage. We should have made more of that photo of him and Voldemort in the gold lift. The DNC is saying that without Farage and Brexit, Voldemort wouldn’t have had the precedent to be president.
Tarquin: ‘precedent to be president’ very good Eddie, do you mind if I use that?
Eddie: What? No! I thought of it - get your own alliteration. Anyway, where was I? Yes, so first I was devastated like everyone else – it was exhausting having to defend Hillary’s faux pas 18 hours a day for over a year…and then to lose…heart-breaking. I had to go to my safe space to make animals out of putty & play with coloured pens for three whole days…Anyway I’m on the mend now but I’m considering going back to writing speeches for Larry…or helping Chelsea prepare for 2024…oh I don’t know…I’ll think of something…
Tarquin: Isn’t Zuckernerd slated for 2024?
Eddie: He’s too young and doesn’t know his backside from the delete key – he’s got to wait until he grows up and gets a more varied wardrobe – George wants him in purple but he’s too anal to wear anything but grey – stupid boy
Sir Monty: Never mind Eddie, chin up old chap - don’t write Hills off yet. There’s still time for a turnaround - put your faith in George. He’s got her wearing purple and when Voldemort is impeached, the snowflakes will insist that Barry holds the fort until a new election can be held…and then she’ll win by a rout – problem solved! The purple revolution will prevail!
Eddie: I heard the plans have changed. All those people George bussed in for the women’s march took matters into their own hands and showed up in pink – they’re calling it the ‘pink pussy’ revolution. Disgusting, we’re getting down to Vodemort’s level. I blame Madonna Cupcake.
Tarquin: Wasn’t she wearing black?
Eddie: Yes, but she was the one that kept talking about ‘pussy power’ and every other word was ‘flip’ – she’s undermining our virtue signalling with all this locker room talk. Deeply offensive, but she’s on our side, what can you do?
Lefty: I don’t care what colour we use as long as we get that phoney-haired, piggy mouthed, Fascist bar steward. Do you know if I ruled the world I’d round up all those authoritarian types and give them a good old-fashioned public school thrashing across their ample bu…..
Sir Monty interrupts: Tea Lefty? Gladys fetch us some more tea would you dear? Darjeeling for me, English Breakfast for the chaps…
I’m afraid that at this point the tape became inaudible, probably because the microphone was placed too near the Executive Tea Urn, which was required to keep a constant supply of calming lubricants flowing to the hoarse men. Unfortunately this happened just when it got to the juicy bit – ‘’Plan of action to defeat Voldemort’…
…Towards the end of the meeting the urn was switched off and audible speech returned. Sir Monty basically gave everyone a pep talk and sent the troops back into battle. His final comment was a friendly warning to Lefty, who as many of you will have noticed, has been getting a bit hot under the collar recently:
Sir Monty: And Lefty old chap, you’re the bravest one of us all but please stay calm and stop insulting and censoring the posters who disagree with you. Ignore them there’s a good chap. For example, that ‘MuckGB’ fellow…
Lefty: He’s an arrogant bar…
Sir Monty interrupting: Yes I know, I know, but you’re not doing yourself any favours with this bluster old bean. ‘MuckGB’ is an arrogant so-and-so and yes…he’s a bar steward…but he’s not as dumb as you look when you lose your rag old chap…leave it alone. Also, don’t engage with that old sod ‘Malcontent’ – he’s far too quick for you to put him into a corner, and people actually like him - God knows why but there we are. There’s one more I wanted to mention – ah yes, for heavens sake leave that chap alone who takes you to task on Syria and the Middle East…what’s his name? ‘Harrow’ I think, probably comes from West London – he knows stuff we don’t want to discuss, give him a wide berth. Let the thought police handle anyone with an independent streak – we’ve got the best anti-troll trolls in the business by Jove!
Remember Lefty - these plebs are beneath you - we’ve got enough to worry about without getting worked up by the riff-raff. OK old fruit? Good boy - now finish your tea and have that last Hobnob…no Tarquin, put it down…you’ve had enough.
WARNING - SERIOUS BIT COMING UP
After reading FT articles since the inauguration, the following 'approach' appears to be in effect. Whether this is a conscious strategy or not, it makes little difference to the quality of the 'analysis'. In my view this is not 'journalism' - it is something else entirely.
1. Report all criticisms made against Trump – provide extensive coverage of every attempt to block and/or frustrate his policies - cast these in a positive light
2. If the ‘facts’ appear to support the criticism, go into them in depth, if not do not correct or challenge them
3. Avoid opinions and polls that show Americans are in favour of his policies and keep mentioning the 35% favourability poll on Trump himself. Avoid polls like the one that shows only 32% of Americans trust the press
4. Make linkages: a) Link Trump with every unsavoury character on the world stage – the more he appears like Vlad’s puppet the better; b) Link his xenophobic policies in the US with his criticisms of Europe, to give Merkel the moral high ground as she approaches her election in October; c) Link any investigations or legal challenges to events like Watergate to reinforce the idea of illegitimacy
5. Play the racist card at every opportunity, sprinkle references to Hitler and Mussolini throughout the coverage
6. Use positive and negative language selectively to contextualise information and reinforce the ‘correct’ meaning for the readers – e.g. contrast maturity with petulance: we ‘refute the allegation’…they ‘chafe at the suggestion’
This is not an exhaustive list of what are, in essence, propaganda techniques. These techniques are not new, and are not peculiar to the FT. Neither is this peculiar to the ‘left’. The ‘right’ are just as adept (or crass, depending on whether you’re aware of the game). Read some of the old reports and clips from the McCarthy era and you’ll cringe. Give it ten years and re-read some of the stuff being written now…you’ll vomit…
Is Trump a blowhard? Yes. Is he vulgar? Yes. Is he a narcissist? Yes. Will he play nice? No. Will he be predictable? No. Would he have been my choice? No. Was he elected President of the United States under the rules of the constitution? Yes.
So, what’s his crime?
a) He’s not in the ‘club' of vested interests that run the system in Washington and/or a member of the globalist elite
b) Though very wealthy, he is essentially an outsider. Moreover, he doesn’t like the ‘club' and has been elected on the promise of cleaning up the system
c) He has indicated in his actions so far that he intends to follow through on the promises he made in the campaign - all signs so far are that the guy who campaigned will be the same guy who governs - any president that does 'what it said on the tin' is an aberration in Washington. Given what it says on this tin, this is a real threat to the status quo
d) Ergo, the elites have little to gain and a lot to lose from his presence in the Oval Office. In my view they are scared, and when they are scared, they are dangerous. Personally, I understand why he has his own security as well as the Secret Service. If he’s paranoid, I’m not surprised.
What we are witnessing, or more accurately what I am witnessing, is an attempt by both the neo-liberal and neo-conservative elites, which includes members of the media closest to the centres of power…to de-legitimise an elected president...before he has the opportunity to implement the policies upon which he was elected. The purpose of this is to prevent any further loss of control over the structures and the 'scams' that have grown up under every administration, Democrat and Republican alike, for the past thirty years – i.e. George H W Bush, Bill Clinton, George W Bush, and Barack Obama. These four presidents have, with varying degrees of enthusiasm, presided over the policies of foreign intervention, financialisation of the economy, and corporatism disguised as ‘free trade’. These policies have benefitted the rich, impoverished the poor, and gutted the middle class in the US and elsewhere. They have also set the middle east on fire.
More insidious than all the above, the last four presidents have facilitated the transfer of political power to an unelected, globalised elite that seeks ever more centralisation. Centralisation is eventually catastrophic for large-scale complex systems, a factor that the elites neither seem to understand nor care about. What they do care about, quite clearly, is their refusal to relinquish control. Equally clearly, the media's role in this is very important.
THREE QUOTES FROM A GUY I RESPECT:
"You don’t have any other society where the educated classes are so effectively indoctrinated and controlled by a subtle propaganda system – a private system including media, intellectual opinion forming magazines and the participation of the most highly educated sections of the population. Such people ought to be referred to as “Commissars” – for that is what their essential function is – to set up and maintain a system of doctrines and beliefs which will undermine independent thought and prevent a proper understanding and analysis of national and global institutions, issues, and policies."
“Goebbels was in favor of free speech for views he liked. So was Stalin. If you’re really in favor of free speech, then you’re in favor of freedom of speech for precisely the views you despise. Otherwise, you’re not in favor of free speech.”
“The intellectual tradition is one of servility to power, and if I didn't betray it I'd be ashamed of myself.”
Noam Chomsky, Professor of Linguistics, MIT
This has included fake news about fictitious events concerning an organization that doesn’t exist. It has also included real thoughts - these are my real thoughts. May yours be real too, and ever may it be thus.