My ‘Private Ear’ network of undercover ‘lobes’, who are very cunningly neither private nor undercover, have sent me details of the latest neoconservative plot to convince the west that we are in danger of being overrun by the evil Rooskies, led by their vile and bare chested Fuehrer, Vlad the Impaler – also known as ‘Morris’ by his former KGB colleagues and people who share his love of traditional English country dancing.
The neocon plot is being inspired, as is customary in these matters, by a group of IYIs (intellectual yet idiots) known as the Kagan Klan (KK) - not to be confused with the more alphabetically abundant KKK, to whom they bear no resemblance other than the desire to blame specific ‘undesirables’ for things that they may or may not have done, or might possibly be planning. 'Guilt’ doesn’t really matter to either group; what does matter is that the ‘bad guys’ get killed before they get the chance to destroy our peaceful and law abiding way of life.
The KK's glorious leader, Robert Kagan, co-founder of the ‘Project for the New American Century’ and an architect of the Iraq War, led the charge in the Washington Post on March 6th, describing Republicans as “Russia’s accomplices after the fact” for not investigating Donald Trump’s links with Russia more aggressively:
A few days later on March 14th, Frederick Kagan, director of the ‘Critical Threats Project’ at the ‘American Enterprise Institute’, and his wife, Kimberly Kagan, president of the ‘Institute for the Study of War’, graced the pages of the Wall Street Journal with their recommendation for a US invasion of Syria:
Nothing much has been heard yet from Robert’s wife, Victoria ‘Fuck the EU’ Nuland, but her silence is seen as only temporary. According to 'friends' she is still recovering from the cruel theft of her expected promotion to Secretary of State under Hillary ‘we came, we saw, he died’ Clinton. The two are reported to be 'similarly minded' on the Kremlin, and equally distraught about Vlad’s victory in the US election. The Kagans and the Clintons may be from opposite sides of the political aisle but ‘insiders’ claim that trivial party loyalties don’t matter when death, glory and oil revenues are on the line. Both families share the belief that sending people to die in never-ending wars is an area where equal opportunities for women are long overdue. My ‘lobes’ tell me that Victoria is convinced that she will never get the chance to arrange another foreign coup whilst there is a misogynist in the White House.
Finally, there is an unsubstantiated rumour that following George Soros’ recent sweep of the Oscars with his political blockbuster ‘Mission Deplorable’, the Kagan’s plan to go for gold next year with a docudrama entitled ‘World War Three – carnage never gets old’. Plans for an early release were going very well until last November, but since then the script has had to be re-written because having bad guys in both of the lead roles doesn’t sell as many tickets. The movie’s sponsors in the 'defence' industry are said to be disappointed with the delay, as is Executive Producer Dick Cheney.
That’s all for now - I will keep my private ear to the ground.