You may have noticed that the mainstream media has a tempestuous relationship with 'morals' in general, and 'human rights' in particular. To call it 'blowing hot and cold' doesn't do it justice at all...not even close.
Anyone watching Trump being showered with questions like "What about North Korea's appalling human rights issue?"...whilst receiving none on the possibility of peace breaking out in a country that has been at war for over 65 years...will know what I mean. Contrast that with the total silence the press reserves for Israel's treatment of Palestinians...
When the media suddenly discovers 'human rights', you may feel like banging your head against a brick wall. If so, you are suffering from a condition known as Chronic Revulsion Against Propaganda (CRAP). This can lead you to temporarily forget what you know...so here's a reminder, 'Human Rights - The Rules'
- Israel has excellent human rights, particularly the government, which is protected from any form of criticism. The safest thing is just to agree with everything Benjamin Netanyahu says, even when his mouth is leaking warmongering bilge, which is most of the time
- Palestine has no human rights at all. They can be abused as much as the Israeli government fancies; and have been caged and semi-starved to make the targeting easier. Alas this hasn’t stopped the odd super-duper marks-person killing someone with “DON’T SHOOT ME I’M A MEDIC’ emblazoned on a white coat. We all make mistakes I guess
- Yemen has no human rights. They are bad and wrong and deserve to be bombed and starved. Weddings and other attempts to gain immunity from what’s coming to them will not be viewed as an excuse
- Saudi Arabia has excellent human rights and everyone should stop losing their heads about Saudis losing theirs. Those women should be eternally grateful for being allowed to drive, and the activists who spent most of their lives achieving it for them, will now donate the rest of their lives paying for it. We don’t want people getting anymore smart-arsed ideas
- Iran has dreadful human rights and should be bombed into submission so that in future everyone can buy a Big-Mac whenever they want. All we ask in return, is all the oil, control of the banks, and no more fancy ideas about trading with Russia & China
- Libya doesn’t need human rights – it’s got open slave markets, which makes the whole issue irrelevant since property rights are sacrosanct. It isn’t our problem anyway – it was our problem, but now that we’ve fixed it everyone should stop moaning and just ignore the place
- Syria is tricky. Basically, it depends on whose side you’re on:
- If you’re a moderate terrorist, you’ve got a perfect right to kill Syrians who don’t agree with you, until they do agree with you, or die, whichever comes first
- If you’re a head-chopping loon, you’ve got no rights officially, but if you want to kill Syrians and/or Russians we’re happy to turn a blind eye in the area east of Deir Ezzor. Those in and around the Golan Heights can visit one of Israel’s lovely field hospitals that would make a Palestinian weep with envy
- Civilians who support the government, and those who would like to see change in Syria, but not under the heel of the imperial jackboot, are a particularly grey area. If Syria kills civilians when it’s fighting terrorists, that’s a terrible infringement on their rights. When our terrorists kill civilians, it’s cool because they're saving the country from tyranny
- Kids dragged off the street to take a cold shower on camera will have their rights temporarily suspended, as will their parents. They should just do as they are told, tell everyone they're suffering from a nasty chemical weapons attack, and gush that the White Helmets have saved them from certain death at the hands of the unspeakably wicked Assad
I think that covers it. Anyone who would like to pretend we actually care about human rights, should read the Guardian or the Times...or watch the BBC or Channel Four.
Thank you for your attention, and no more awkward questions please.
Lots of love,
The Western Alliance